10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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