just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
