Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
