please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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