____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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