Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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