is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there was a trapeze. enough said
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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