It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
