I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
