i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
