my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
