Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
