Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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