The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
