Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
