gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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