Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
