This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
