I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
