So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
