Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
