Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
