i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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