How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
