the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
