I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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