You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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