I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
