Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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