Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
