I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
