Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
