The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
