my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I forget how to act sober
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
