No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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