she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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