I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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