oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
