She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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