billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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