Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
