the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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