i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
