I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't deserve a penis
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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