you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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