hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
