id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
