I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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