i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
