He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
