i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
