Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Acid is not a monday night drug
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just forgot I was standing up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
