i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
