I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
