did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
