yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
